Vincent Démitri

Vincent Démitri

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This kind of shit happens about three times a week to me.

[Sep. 18th, 2009|04:43 pm]

[	Current Location	\|	North Boulder CO, US	]
[	Current Mood	\|	accomplished	]
[	Current Music	\|	4hero -- Play With The Changes	]

I got into a verbal altercation with a few Mac users. They outnumbered me three to one. I won this fight. I was using my Acer 8.9" Aspire One, and one Mac user commented on how laughably small it was. I replied politely, "I do not need an obnoxiously-large screen for functionality." I believe the conversation got started because someone asked me what I was going to do this weekend, and I satirically replied, "I will be staying in this weekend instead of socializing, so I can work on spreadsheets on my PC." Then the first Mac user turned around in her seat to notice my computer. I said this because douchey Mac users love to tell one another what they will be doing loud enough for others to hear, and on what type of computer they will be doing it on. Example:

"Hey, Chad, what are you up to this weekend, dude?" (because Mac speak without intelligence)
"Oh, you know, bro, writing a screenplay on my Mac at Starbucks."
"That's cool, man, I plan on downloading more shitty music on iTunes at $0.99 per song, also at Starbucks. Maybe I will see you there after the 3Oh!3 concert." (editor's note: Mac users do not actually have the sophistication or self-confidence to make fun of themselves, or their taste in anything. What they like is the best, regardless of anything ever)

Anyway, in my film class, the Mac that was showing us a video through the projector kept going into sleep mode, and the hand-out had some easily-fixed formatting issues. I had three, count them, three different points where I pointed out to the Mac user next to me (who I do get along with) that she "should have used a PC." For those who have been brainwashed to forget, "Should've used a Mac" was little campaign by Apple to illustrate how shitty they thought Windows was, what with them being so biased against it that they never chose to actually use one and see what it was like. There were stupid commercials that were grossly exaggerated, to the point of where a Mac user would be a typical fucking male hipster in Venetian-blind sunglasses, a black, purple, and lime-green hat, have long hair, sagging in his jeans, and wearing a hoodie with some sort of combination of yellows and greens (mostly teal), and a PC user would be in clothes that ADULTS wear (i.e. slacks, no fucking Nikes, and zomg a tie) with responsibly-cut hair for his real fucking job. The PC user would try to use Internet Explorer, a gross falsity because everyone who uses PCs uses Firefox, and their computer would do something impossible like explode, or shoot them in the face. The college soon-to-be-dropout would reply with, "Duuuude, should've used a Mac!" And there were like fifty of these fucking ads, in print, and on television. Knowing that the dress style difference alone was enough to persuade very-impressionable teenagers and twentysomethings, this helped people forget that Apple ever made shit computers like the Apple III, or their current products. Fuck it, who needs usefulness in a computer? It is a Mac, and it says something about me! It will get me friends, like pretending that I like The Beatles or Bob Marley! Individuality and self-awareness are overrated, anyway!

My apologies, I digress.

Me: "Should have used a PC," said coyly to the classmate who jokes around casually about this with me.
Mac girl: "PC, psh. Look at your tiny computer!"
Me: "Yes, I prefer functionality and utility; I do not need an obnoxiously-large for functionality."
Mac guy 2: "That's why I use a Mac!" Mac girl high-fives Mac guy 2. This is not hyperbole, they are just that fucking cliché.
Me: Rolls eyes, is not a mouth-breather.

Later on, me addressing casually the gross format issues in our handout.

Me, to Mac guy 1 (the likable one): "You know, if she had done this on PC, there would not be any of these layout issues."
Mac guy 1: "Did she use a Mac? Heh, oh, I guess she did." He looks at the teacher's assistant's computer.
Me: "Actually, these are just easy fixes, you know, a backspace here, control-z there."
Mac girl, turning around in her seat to mock me: "Yeah, it is SO simple to fix this." Rolls eyes, turns back around. Fact--it is.
Mac guy 2: "Why do you prefer a PC, anyway? What the hell, dude, I mean, like, come on!"
Me: "Well, because I have free thought, I do not smoke pot, I do not have shitty taste in music that I feel the need to expose other people to incessantly and I do not have juvenile taste in comedy, I do not let mom and day pay any of my bills, and I do not have a liberal or democratic political view. I am not saying that if you own a Mac that you are all of these things, but if you own a Mac you are at least one of these things, and quite possibly all of these things."

Mac girl turns in her chair, glares at me for a moment, scoffs, then turns back around. Mac guy 2 looks sullen, and goes back to his work. Mac guy 1 chuckles, because that is the kind of relationship that we have. Monocles would have fallen out of eyes if it were not the fact that Mac users do not know what monocles are, and according to their stereotype-painting of PC users, only PC users wear them anyway. No, ALL PC users have monocles, and mustaches that were popular in 19th century England, which is comedic to me because fucking male hipsters who use Macs now wear that style of facial hair ironically.

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